Jeremy Clarkson says he is worried his cows are lesbians – and one of his bulls appears to be "transitioning".
The ex-Top Gear loudmouth turned farmer said the heifers or young females on his Diddly Squat farm keep trying to "ride" each other.
His 1,000-acre pile in the Cotswolds features on his Clarkson's Farm show.
Jezza, 61, said: "In the cow world there are stores and heifers and bullocks and steers and bulls and calves and, to make matters even more complicated, whenever one of the group is menstruating all the others immediately become LGBT and spend all day riding one another round the field like wheelbarrows."
And, he added he was stumped by one of his castrated bulls "transitioning from male to something else".
Jeremy explained: "Its testicles, which were supposed to have been crushed months ago, are beginning to emerge once more."
While Jeremy's cattle may be experiencing difficulties the same could not be said for his home-brewed farm Hawkstone Lager.
At the weekend, it was announced that his Cotswolds beer had shot to number one in the charts just hours after its release.
His lager, which is brewed at Diddly Squat Farm, has been flying off of the shelves since its launch with a "p*** up in a brewery" event.
With growing popularity and sales surging, Jeremy's team had even contemplated putting a limit on purchases to ensure they had enough supplies for the Christmas period.
The TV star has teamed up with local Cotswolds brewers Rick and Emma Keene to make the "very highest quality of premium lager".
For those keen to sample his popular beer, you can head over to Amazon or shop online at the Diddly Squat Farm shop website – with 12 330ml bottles costing £35.
During promotion, Jeremy landed a joke about Amazon founder Jeff Bezos.
He said: "Good news – I thought you'd only be able to buy my lager from my own farm shop, but it turns out you'll also be able to buy it from Jeff's website. Cheers!"
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