KERRY Katona sobbed as she recalled "being brought back by angels" in "selfish" drug binges that triggered horrifying fits.
The 40-year-old star bravely opened up in an exclusive new interview with The Sun, where she spoke openly about how addiction has impacted her life in a bid to help others.
Kerry is now proudly 13 years clean of drugs after first being introduced to speed by her mum when she was just 14 years old, and she is a shining example of how sobriety can turn someone's life around.
But she has been through some dark times, and told us that struggling with suicidal thoughts was undoubtedly her "lowest point".
Instead of taking her own life, Kerry admitted to purposefully binging on drugs to take her to the brink of death by triggering fits.
Speaking with harrowing honesty, she recalled feeling as though she was “being brought back by angels” – which was the “only time” that she ever felt loved.
The strong star told us: “I think the suicidal thoughts were my lowest, it felt very selfish of me being a mother. I thought I never wanted to do that to my kids… But I went about it in a different way, I went about it if I do loads of drugs then I’ll have fits.
“I remember I’d have these fits, I’d froth, my eyes rolled back, I think I just completely died but something brought me back.
"It was the most wonderful feeling, it sounds so weird but it was like being surrounded by angels bringing me back.
“It was the most wonderful feeling ever, I kept trying to do it because it was the only time I really felt loved but that was a really selfish thing because my kids could not have a mum now.”
Kerry went on to explain that cocaine was “her best friend”, and despite her troubled life she has no regrets, reasoning: “Things happen for a reason, I’ve been through what I’ve been through to tell this story today – I don’t regret any of it.
“I can’t regret any of it, I’m on the path I’m supposed to be on and for a reason, and that’s to share my story.
"If I can get from doing drugs, being bankrupt, being on death’s door, having fits, frothing at the mouth, to being where I am now then anyone can do it.
“I had to be my own hero, I had to do it myself, I had to want to do it.”
If you think that you have a drug addiction then please contact your GP.
You can also visit FRANK for honest information about drugs and to find local treatment services.
If you are having trouble finding the right help, call the FRANK drugs helpline on 03001236600
Or click here to visit the NHS website for more advice and support
Kerry was able to get the help she needed through repeated stints in rehab, boot camps, and ultimately cutting herself off from all of the bad influences in her life by packing up her car and driving 400 miles away.
She also got to know her triggers and insisted she will never touch a drug again in her life.
Kerry now enjoys a quiet life with her family, including a low-key romance with fiance Ryan who she has been with for three years but largely keeps out of the public eye.
You’re Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.
It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You're Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let's all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You're Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
- Movember, www.uk.movember.com
- Anxiety UK www.anxietyuk.org.uk, 03444 775 774 Monday-Friday 9.30am-10pm, Saturday/Sunday 10am-8pm
She is open about her addiction battle with 19-year-old Molly, 18-year-old Lilly-Sue, 14-year-old Heidi, 13-year-old Maxwell, and seven-year-old Dylan-Jorge – insisting that she won’t “bury her head in the sand” because if she didn’t speak openly to her kids then they’d find out the truth from other people.
But ultimately, Kerry couldn’t be prouder of herself for breaking the cycle, getting back on her feet, and thriving in sobriety – even securing a mortgage to buy a house of her own in April.
However, her world has been rocked in recent months, with her beloved auntie Angela tragically losing her battle with alcohol addiction in March – just over a year after her ex George Kay suffered a fatal overdose.
Kerry hopes that telling her distressing story of addiction and loss will help others, sharing: "That’s all that matters – if I can save one person’s life, it has all been worth it.”
Contact the Samaritans
If you have been affected by any of the issues in this article contact The Samaritans on 116 123. They are available for free at anytime.
Or email https://www.samaritans.org/
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